Connecting with the Youth
A word to the wise, when trying to connect with a young person please remember that connecting with you means they have to disconnect from something else. You will want to keep this in mind to avoid getting your feelings hurt.
When you were in your teens, your connections to music, a phone, friends, and even a love connection, weren’t as intense as their ties to say their phone today. Have you realized that your teen is just trying to get to the part of the day when they can be alone with their phone or game? Everything in between is irritating, frustrating, and really, really boring.
If you did a good job raising your child then they will be free from phone, gaming, and generalized device addiction, I, however, did not do a good job.
My teen is an Apple junkie, the one with the bite missing, and you will see her coming. You’ll see her, but she won’t be able to hear you. She’s resplendent in Lululemon, Jordan’s or house shoes, and Apple Max headphones. Luckily she has a passion for dance and spends most evenings at the dance studio and phone-free, willingly, to boot.
My point here is teens may love to be one-to-one with their device of choice, but they are willing and able to disconnect with the right motivation. No, not cash money, that’s bribery, besides I tried it, doesn’t work for long. The right motivation means tapping into what they love and would eagerly spend their free time doing.
The first thing that comes to mind is sports, hey, I’m in the South, sports is serious and a business. But let’s not limit our offspring to sports, how many Kobe’s and LeBron’s can there be?
In our community there is a tendency to see sports as the main activity our children should be doing outside of school, but not all of them are athletic or even if they are, not all of them want the pressure, the discipline, or the gamble that they’ll be the one.
What are the other options? How many of us are setting the stage for our children to be future chefs, artists, writers, or gardeners? Any of these or the thousand other talents that your child may have could be their gift to the world. But it takes recognizing it, investing in it, and getting them in front of the right experts and mentors.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it buys opportunities, and that’s worth so much. I believe that every child should have the opportunity to find their gift, but the traditional ways may delay the fast track to their path.
My daughter may say “huh” more than she says “thanks, Mom” but I know that she appreciates every moment that she is on the stage dancing. We stumbled into her gift by searching for something that she would enjoy. Finding your child’s gift and their connection to you and themselves can be much simpler.
Start by making continued (trying to help here) attempts to connect with them on stuff they get excited about. Share TikToks that you find funny, they won’t laugh, but they’ll think it’s cute that you can operate an app they like. Bring back the lost art of conversation, be persistent, but low pressure, almost an impossible balance for anyone over 30 who’s had to deal with their boss, coworkers, bills, and housework all in the same day, but try anyway. Note here, stay away from controversial subjects like school, friends, clothing, food, or homework (ok, I’m kidding).
Eventually, you’ll discover more about your progeny and their likes and dislikes. Share opportunities that come up (again tread carefully, a cat walking through a room of rocking chairs comes to mind) a cupcake decorating class, a youth fashion show that needs models, a 3D printing workshop. Something will get their interest and you’ll be off and running.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep chauffeuring her to dance class and maybe you’ll see her on stage living out her dreams someday.